mental illness is a thing + why I took a year off

Hey there guys! 

By popular demand (that means you guys sending me notes) I thought that it was fair to explain why I suddenly took a year off dA, 'cause I never really explained why, I just left and when I came back, I just told you what I had been doing. Now, first of all, I didn't told you guys why I left, because it was personal, but my mindfulness instructor -I'll explain why I go to one later on this journal- told me it was healthy to talk about my issues/struggles with people. I've already talked to my friends and family about it, and trust me, it's really hard. But mental illness is a thing, and if we don't talk about it, it will remain as a taboo for the rest of human kind.

What do I mean by mental illness? Everything that is part of the therm: anxiety, depression, ocd, schizophrenia, paranoia, anorexia, bulimia, insomnia, everything.

Personally, I suffer from anxiety that alters my sleep schedule. It's called pathological anxiety. That gives me insomnia, night terrors/nightmares, itchiness, stammering -ocational-, lack of focus, a permanent thought that the worst is about to happen, mood changes, nerves, excessive use of a word in a stressful situation, wanting to cry -but never getting to actually cry-, it makes me wake up in the middle of the night -if I ever get to sleep-, fast heartbeat -during night-, muscle contractures, and a bunch of other things that is worthless to mention. 

It's not a recent thing. It has been happening all my life, and just recently decided that I had reached my limit. I couldn't stand it anymore. The lack of sleep and the other stuff that was happening to me was affecting my life too much. So, I took a break from everything except school and sports. Sports was also a help for me somehow. I visited a psicologist and a psychiatrist, and I have weekly sessions with both of them, as well as a weekly visit to a mindfulness expert/instructor. This last one was the ultimate help for me. He helped me balance my thoughts and visualize them in a second panel, not letting them affect my life and/or sleep. It's like juggling and talking at the same time: If you loose track of one, the other will crumble and fall. If you focus too much on the balls, you can't talk fluently. If you focus too much on your talking, the balls will fall. The idea is to find a balance in both, not letting one affect the other. Last year, things got too out of balance for me to talk and juggle at the same time.

That's why last year -ends of 2013/2014- was a year of personal discovery. I realized a lot of things about me I didn't even knew, and that's also why mental illness awareness is really important to me. My family suffered a lot in the road to findi out what the heck was wrong with me. They didn't understand, and they didn't had to, but that lack of understanding was hurting me as well.
If anyone of you guys is feeling depressed, with any kind of anxiety, or think you have any mental disorder and you need someone to talk to, feel free to talk to me on a note or by email -arimedeot@hotmail.com-, because I'm here for you. I know it's hard, but talking is the beggining of change. Go to a psicologist, to a psychiatrist, go meditate, whatever you want. But you can't ignore what is happening to you. 


Hope you have a terrific monday! It's like some people say, monday defeated, conquered the week.

-Dai